Anon, Friend

Juliet Tessecini
Oakland, California

Deep South v.2 n.2 (Winter, 1996)

Copyright (c) 1996 by Juliet Tessecini, all rights reserved. This text may be used and shared in accordance with the New Zealand Copyright Act 1962. It may be archived and redistributed in electronic form, provided that the journal is notified. This consent does not extend to other kinds of copying, such as copying for general distribution, for advertising or promotional purposes, for creating new collective works, or for resale. For such uses, written permission of the author and the notification of the journal are required. Write to Deep South, Department of English, University of Otago, P. O. Box 56, Dunedin, New Zealand.

So I have this friend, well she's not really a friend, she's more of a friendly acquaintance, anyway, she went to get her contact lens prescription adjusted because she's blind, okay not really blind, but you know what I mean. Well, anyway, the ophthalmologist told her she didn't blink enough. Can you imagine? I mean, really. I told her it sounded like a Seinfeld episode. Can't you just see it? Elaine goes to the doctor for a check-up. She has this crush on him so when he starts staring at her, she thinks he's liking her. Then he tells her she doesn't blink enough and she dies. She's over it. Then for the entire episode all the characters get obsessed with rates of blinking: too slow, too fast, weird rhythms, you know. Anyway, so my "friend"-well, she's not even friendly anymore and I don't know why, maybe she just got sick of me. She's like that, she just gets sick of people-anyway, we were going to write an episode of Seinfeld based on this non-blinking thing. We went to Liberte when it was Lascaux and wrote an outline over drinks one night. I still have it. It was then, back when she still liked me, I guess, that I first notice this little way of smiling she had. God, did it annoy me. I mean her upper lip doesn't really move, do you know what I mean? I mean, my god, it just sits there holding up this enormous nose of hers. Okay? But the blinking thing. I mean, really. What else can you do? You have to notice it once it's mentioned. It's kinda creepy, the way she just stares at you. I figure it's why guys like her so much. Because she really looks like she's paying attention to you when all the while she can't see well and she doesn't blink. That and because she laughs ALL THE TIME. In fact, she laughs so much that it's way noticeable when she doesn't. All that and the flirting thing. That really gets me. Okay. I guess I'm really glad that we're not so friendly as we were before. I don't know. Before she got sick of me, I guess.

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