An Artificial Apology

Smyth, R.

STC 22877.6
Ringler 22877.6 and TP 1147. Single sheet folio. 'Ostensibly a reply to W. G. in [STC] 12206a.3. Literally an attack on Thomas Smith' (Ringler). Rpt. W. C. Hazlitt for _Fugitive Tracts_, No. 11, ed. John A. Kingdon, _Incidents in the Lives of Thomas Poynty and Richard Grafton_, 1895. (Ringler). UMI microfilm Reel 1861

An artificiall apologie, articulerlye answerynge to the obstreperous obgannynges of one W. G. ... Repercussed by ... R. Smyth P. with annotacions of ... master Mynterne
London: [R. Grafton for] R. Bankes, and to be [sold by J. Turke],[1540].

Composition Date: 1540 [STC].

Melior est amicos in curia, quam denarius in bursa. Bonum concili[u]m.
folio: 1

¶An artificiall Apologie, articulerlye answerynge to the obstreperous Obgannynges of one W._G.
W. G.=William Graye
Euometyd to the vituperacion of the tryumphant trollynge Thomas_smyth. Repercussed by the ryght redolent and rotounde rethorician R._Smyth P. with annotacions of the mellifluous and misticall Master Mynterne, marked in the mergent for the enucliacion of certen obscure obelisques, to th'ende that the imprudent lector shulde not tytubate or hallucinate in the labyrinthes of this lucubratiuncle.

MOued wyth mercy, by pytye prouoked
Of duty I am dryuen, somwhat for to wryte Pietas in parentes.
In defence of one, whome I se sore boked
And sore assauted, to be beaten from the ryght
5 But yf I lyue, some of them shalbe smoked
His part wyl I take with al my power and myght. Ut decet hereticos.

My harte doth blede, to se my frende thus dreast
So that my penne wyll wryte, though I saye naye
Agaynst this brockyshe graye, this bytter bytyng beast
10 That seketh nothynge elles, but for to pull awaye
The good name and fame, of one that is honest
And ful of lytterature, as all that loue hym saye Alii, aliter.

Master Thomas_smyth, his name nede not be hyd
Whome to se so handled, I haue great remorse
15 For the stockes sake, of which he is descended
He commeth of the smyth, that shod saynt Georges horsse
By ryght dessent, it maye not be denyed Laus generis.
But yf any wolde, it shall not greatly force.

Who made this bagarde so bolde, this gresely graye 'bagarde'='boggard' or perh. 'braggard'
20 Or what heart hath he, that he thus assayles
Our smyths, yf S. Georges horsse were a_lyue I saye
He dorst euen as well haue eaten both his nayles
But though he be gone, all beastes be not awaye Uinsit asine. etc.
I coulde saye more, but he doth naught that rayles.

25 Betwyxt the smythes and grayes, no doute ther is great oddes
Loke in vitas patrum , I saye thou wylfull wagge Auctoritas.
Howe smyths haue bene byshoppes, saynts and almost goddes
Recorde of swete saynt Loye, that holpe a cloyed nagge Miraculum.
Uulcane was god and smith, whose curse lyghte on thy coddes
30 Why then with vs smythes, art thou so bolde to bragge

Marke this malycious, and sore bytynge brock
Because master smyth, called him thefe in sporte
Speakynge it but merely, I dare saye in mock In bono ioco.
Howe lewdely of him, he hath made reporte
35 But saye what thou canst, he dyd it not by cock
For by saynt tankarde, he is none of that sorte. Nota qui non potest portare seruisiam.

The money and the woman, wherwith thou doest him charge
He maye full well aduoyde, it is no great thynge
God saue the kynge, a pardon doth dyscharge Misericordias domini in eternum cantabo.
40 Mo thynges then that, which elles myght hap to brynge
Both him and you, but skant to walke at large
Within an yron grate, your Christmas songe to synge Id est cibus pro pauperibus de noua porta.

As for the woman, alas it was no wonder
She was a whore, and he hath such a charme A spiritu fornicationis etc.
45 If she be arrant, to brynge her shortly vnder
And yet I promyse you, he doth them lytle harme
But bryngs them to his house, where they parte not asonder
He couereth her, he colleth her and keps her good and warme. Amor vincit omnia.

And forsoth full well, towarde his olde dayes
50 Ye poynted him a place, to be in the stable
But he neuer dressed horsse, as he him-selfe sayes De hoc doctores d[u]bitant.
Wherfore for that rome, he is nothynge able
His lyuynge he must seke, by some other wayes
Well ynough I warrant you, without hode or bable 'bable'='bauble'

55 If he had no master, ner none wolde him take
Skant into the stable, yet ere it were longe
He hath so many frendes, thou sayest wolde shyft make
To promote him to the skourynge, of some good mans gonge 'gong' (privy) Melior est amicos in curia, quam denarius in bursa.

Thou art to spytefull, and I for anger shake
60 To se howe thou doest, this poore man so much wronge.

Ye call him papist, because ye se him worche
In all he doth or sayth, by doctours and decrees
Of our olde auncyent mother holy churche Distingue de ecclesia.
And forbycause, he doth defende theyr dygnytyes
65 Lyke a sorte of lorrelles, you wolde him geue a lurche
His credyte and his fame, to cause hym for to lese.

Our smyth can forge, and fetely fabrycate Q[u]od natura dedit, nemo tollere potest.
A myllyon of mentyres, in lesse then halfe a daye 'mentyres', see OED 'mentery'
Loke in all his workes which are consolydate
70 Lyke a wyttye man, dawe canst thou saye naye?
In such an honest forge, lo he was educate
And such his bryngynge vp, his craft cannot decaye Experiencia docet.

And yet this bytynge brocke, sayes he is vnworthy De homini illi per quem scandalum venit.
To be a paryshe clercke, God geue the wo and care
75 But yer he come therto, we trust to se the lye 'yer'='ere'
Askynge for gods sake, in pouertie full bare
Wylt thou pare with our smyth, ah pylde pratynge pye Per syncopen quasi dicitur compare.
Well do not so I aduyse you, I councell you beware.

It wylbe a good whyle or you master Graye
80 Haue such qualytes as master Smyth hath qualytes] qualylytes 1540
He speketh euen as good frenche, I dare well saye Nota donum linguarum.
As any Popengay, betwene this and bathe
Cracke me that nut, naye fye I praye you awaye
Medle not withall, least that it doth you skathe.

85 Syr he hath bene in Parys, farre beyonde the see Vidit plus quam manducauit per etc.
Where thou durst neuer, yet pepe out of thy dore
And I my-selfe, dyd here him once saye
With so starne a loke, Dieu vous done bon-iour
That euer sence, I thought hym ryght well worthy
90 To haue the lytle roume, within the kynges toure

Hercules was stronger, then any of the grayes
Yet was he not hable to mache with two at once
Beware I saye thou brocke and shortely walke thy wayes Parce ei domine, nihil enim sunt dies eius.
For we be many smythes, and yf we catche the once
95 We wyll fynde the meanes, to shorten thy good dayes
And in our flammyng forge, we wil burne the fleshe and bones.

Recant therfore betyme, least we the [re]morde remorde] momorde 1540 Bonum concili[u]m.

And beate the with oure handes, as yron the styth
Causynge the for-euer, to be a good recorde
100 Howe any man herafter doth rayle vpon a smyth Cauete a fabris quoniam multi.
Thy fame we shall pollute, for sowenge soch discord
Maugre all theyr heartes, that be displeased therwith.

I warrant you thys graye, hath lytle good maner
To call master smyth, bedlem and lunatycke
105 What though he be gogle-eyed, and tawny as a tanner Nota quod cholerici sunt iracundia item Auicen[na] c. viii.
It is but hys compleccyon, swart and collerycke
But sythen that he doth fyght, vnder holy churches baner
His lybels are allowed, for good and catholycke.

And though he be a smyth, by face and eke of name
110 Yet to God and the kyng, the man maye be wellwylled
For was not there a smyth that propre feates dyd frame
The chronycles make mencyon, whoso them well behylde
Reporte me to the blacke-smyth, a man of worthy fame In memoria eterna erit iustus.
Howe many at his commaundement, had he at blackheth felde.

115 Nowe for that smyth, and all smythes þ a t mean as he dyd mean
Or that agaynst God and our kynge, ought conspyre or saye
That such of there offenses, maye be confessed cleane
And iust rewarde to take, this prayer wyll I praye v. Pater noster. v. Aue Maria. vnum Credo cum De profundis.
And also that all other, that to theyr sectes do leane
120 Maye trudge with them for company, to angre Wyllyam_Graye.

Thus forced by frendshyp, and lykenes of name
I haue compyled this brefe apologye Quia sunt de vno cognomine.
Propugnyng therin smythes, and theyr honest fame Propugnyng] Propungnyng 1540
And theyr vylependers, to shame and turpefye 'vylependers', see OED 'vilipend'
125 Implorynge, that Lorde, that forged the frame
Of fyre and water, of earth and of skye. Hic aucthor rotulat in rethoricis.

To preserue Kynge Henry that prynce potencyall
And Katheryne oure quene of curtesye the floure
Wyth Edwarde oure prince, that ympe emperyall
130 In helth, in welth, in ryches, in honour,
And to conserue the counsell heroical
To pauyse the people by prudencyall power.

God saue the Kynge.

¶Imprynted at London by Rycharde_Bankes. And be to sell in Pater_noster_rowe, at the sygne of the Rose.
Cum priuilegio ad imprimendum solum.