An Artificial Apology

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¶An artificiall Apologie, articulerlye answerynge to the obstreperous Obgannynges of one W._G.

W. G.=William Graye

Euometyd to the vituperacion of the tryumphant trollynge Thomas_smyth. Repercussed by the ryght redolent and rotounde rethorician R._Smyth P. with annotacions of the mellifluous and misticall Master Mynterne, marked in the mergent for the enucliacion of certen obscure obelisques, to th'ende that the imprudent lector shulde not tytubate or hallucinate in the labyrinthes of this lucubratiuncle.

MOued wyth mercy, by pytye prouoked

Of duty I am dryuen, somwhat for to wryte Pietas in parentes.

In defence of one, whome I se sore boked

And sore assauted, to be beaten from the ryght

But yf I lyue, some of them shalbe smoked

His part wyl I take with al my power and myght. Ut decet hereticos.

My harte doth blede, to se my frende thus dreast

So that my penne wyll wryte, though I saye naye

Agaynst this brockyshe graye, this bytter bytyng beast

That seketh nothynge elles, but for to pull awaye

The good name and fame, of one that is honest

And ful of lytterature, as all that loue hym saye Alii, aliter.

Master Thomas_smyth, his name nede not be hyd

Whome to se so handled, I haue great remorse

For the stockes sake, of which he is descended

He commeth of the smyth, that shod saynt Georges horsse

By ryght dessent, it maye not be denyed Laus generis.

But yf any wolde, it shall not greatly force.

Who made this bagarde so bolde, this gresely graye 'bagarde'='boggard' or perh. 'braggard'

Or what heart hath he, that he thus assayles

Our smyths, yf S. Georges horsse were a_lyue I saye

He dorst euen as well haue eaten both his nayles

But though he be gone, all beastes be not awaye Uinsit asine. etc.

I coulde saye more, but he doth naught that rayles.

Betwyxt the smythes and grayes, no doute ther is great oddes

Loke in vitas patrum , I saye thou wylfull wagge Auctoritas.

Howe smyths haue bene byshoppes, saynts and almost goddes

Recorde of swete saynt Loye, that holpe a cloyed nagge Miraculum.

Uulcane was god and smith, whose curse lyghte on thy coddes

Why then with vs smythes, art thou so bolde to bragge

Marke this malycious, and sore bytynge brock

Because master smyth, called him thefe in sporte

Speakynge it but merely, I dare saye in mock In bono ioco.

Howe lewdely of him, he hath made reporte

But saye what thou canst, he dyd it not by cock

For by saynt tankarde, he is none of that sorte. Nota qui non potest portare seruisiam.

The money and the woman, wherwith thou doest him charge

He maye full well aduoyde, it is no great thynge

God saue the kynge, a pardon doth dyscharge Misericordias domini in eternum cantabo.

Mo thynges then that, which elles myght hap to brynge

Both him and you, but skant to walke at large

Within an yron grate, your Christmas songe to synge Id est cibus pro pauperibus de noua porta.

As for the woman, alas it was no wonder

She was a whore, and he hath such a charme A spiritu fornicationis etc.

If she be arrant, to brynge her shortly vnder

And yet I promyse you, he doth them lytle harme

But bryngs them to his house, where they parte not asonder

He couereth her, he colleth her and keps her good and warme. Amor vincit omnia.

And forsoth full well, towarde his olde dayes

Ye poynted him a place, to be in the stable

But he neuer dressed horsse, as he him-selfe sayes De hoc doctores d[u]bitant.

Wherfore for that rome, he is nothynge able

His lyuynge he must seke, by some other wayes

Well ynough I warrant you, without hode or bable 'bable'='bauble'

If he had no master, ner none wolde him take

Skant into the stable, yet ere it were longe

He hath so many frendes, thou sayest wolde shyft make

To promote him to the skourynge, of some good mans gonge 'gong' (privy) Melior est amicos in curia, quam denarius in bursa.

Thou art to spytefull, and I for anger shake

To se howe thou doest, this poore man so much wronge.

Ye call him papist, because ye se him worche

In all he doth or sayth, by doctours and decrees

Of our olde auncyent mother holy churche Distingue de ecclesia.

And forbycause, he doth defende theyr dygnytyes

Lyke a sorte of lorrelles, you wolde him geue a lurche

His credyte and his fame, to cause hym for to lese.

Our smyth can forge, and fetely fabrycate Q[u]od natura dedit, nemo tollere potest.

A myllyon of mentyres, in lesse then halfe a daye 'mentyres', see OED 'mentery'

Loke in all his workes which are consolydate

Lyke a wyttye man, dawe canst thou saye naye?

In such an honest forge, lo he was educate

And such his bryngynge vp, his craft cannot decaye Experiencia docet.

And yet this bytynge brocke, sayes he is vnworthy De homini illi per quem scandalum venit.

To be a paryshe clercke, God geue the wo and care

But yer he come therto, we trust to se the lye 'yer'='ere'

Askynge for gods sake, in pouertie full bare

Wylt thou pare with our smyth, ah pylde pratynge pye Per syncopen quasi dicitur compare.

Well do not so I aduyse you, I councell you beware.

It wylbe a good whyle or you master Graye

Haue such qualytes as master Smyth hath qualytes] qualylytes 1540

He speketh euen as good frenche, I dare well saye Nota donum linguarum.

As any Popengay, betwene this and bathe

Cracke me that nut, naye fye I praye you awaye

Medle not withall, least that it doth you skathe.

Syr he hath bene in Parys, farre beyonde the see Vidit plus quam manducauit per etc.

Where thou durst neuer, yet pepe out of thy dore

And I my-selfe, dyd here him once saye

With so starne a loke, Dieu vous done bon-iour

That euer sence, I thought hym ryght well worthy

To haue the lytle roume, within the kynges toure

Hercules was stronger, then any of the grayes

Yet was he not hable to mache with two at once

Beware I saye thou brocke and shortely walke thy wayes Parce ei domine, nihil enim sunt dies eius.

For we be many smythes, and yf we catche the once

We wyll fynde the meanes, to shorten thy good dayes

And in our flammyng forge, we wil burne the fleshe and bones.

Recant therfore betyme, least we the [re]morde remorde] momorde 1540 Bonum concili[u]m.

And beate the with oure handes, as yron the styth

Causynge the for-euer, to be a good recorde

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Howe any man herafter doth rayle vpon a smyth Cauete a fabris quoniam multi.

Thy fame we shall pollute, for sowenge soch discord

Maugre all theyr heartes, that be displeased therwith.

I warrant you thys graye, hath lytle good maner

To call master smyth, bedlem and lunatycke

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What though he be gogle-eyed, and tawny as a tanner Nota quod cholerici sunt iracundia item Auicen[na] c. viii.

It is but hys compleccyon, swart and collerycke

But sythen that he doth fyght, vnder holy churches baner

His lybels are allowed, for good and catholycke.

And though he be a smyth, by face and eke of name

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Yet to God and the kyng, the man maye be wellwylled

For was not there a smyth that propre feates dyd frame

The chronycles make mencyon, whoso them well behylde

Reporte me to the blacke-smyth, a man of worthy fame In memoria eterna erit iustus.

Howe many at his commaundement, had he at blackheth felde.

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Nowe for that smyth, and all smythes þ a t mean as he dyd mean

Or that agaynst God and our kynge, ought conspyre or saye

That such of there offenses, maye be confessed cleane

And iust rewarde to take, this prayer wyll I praye v. Pater noster. v. Aue Maria. vnum Credo cum De profundis.

And also that all other, that to theyr sectes do leane

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Maye trudge with them for company, to angre Wyllyam_Graye.

Thus forced by frendshyp, and lykenes of name

I haue compyled this brefe apologye Quia sunt de vno cognomine.

Propugnyng therin smythes, and theyr honest fame Propugnyng] Propungnyng 1540

And theyr vylependers, to shame and turpefye 'vylependers', see OED 'vilipend'

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Implorynge, that Lorde, that forged the frame

Of fyre and water, of earth and of skye. Hic aucthor rotulat in rethoricis.

To preserue Kynge Henry that prynce potencyall

And Katheryne oure quene of curtesye the floure

Wyth Edwarde oure prince, that ympe emperyall

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In helth, in welth, in ryches, in honour,

And to conserue the counsell heroical

To pauyse the people by prudencyall power.

God saue the Kynge.

¶Imprynted at London by Rycharde_Bankes. And be to sell in Pater_noster_rowe, at the sygne of the Rose.

Cum priuilegio ad imprimendum solum.