The Schoolhouse of Women

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¶Here begynneth a lytle boke named the Schole-house of women: wherin euery man may rede a goodly prayse of the condicyons of women.

The yeare of our Lorde: M.D.XLj.

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THe prouerbe olde, who-so denyeth

I[n] my conceyte, doth greatly [e]rre In] Is 1541; erre] arre 1541

Both wyt & discrecyon yl he applyeth

That thynge of trueth, wold debar

Howbeit that folkes, presume so far

Wherby the truth, is often blamed

Yet in no wyse, trueth may be shamed

A foole of late, contryued a booke

And all in prayse, of the femynye

Who-so taketh labour, it to ouer-loke

Shall proue, all is but flatterye

Pehen he calleth it, it may well be 'Pehen' ('Peahen') is a punning reference to the title of Gosynhyll's 'Mulierum Paen'.

The Pecocke is proudest, of his fayre tayle

And so be all women of theyr apparayle

Wherfore as nowe, in this treatyse

What-so be sayde, in rude sentence

Uertue to encrease, & to laye vyce

I[s] chefe occasyon, of my pretence Is] In 1541

And where that trueth is none offence

Who-so therfore, that blameth me

I saye he demeth, wrongfully

Parchaunce the women, take displeasure

Bycause I rubbe them, on the gall

To them that good be peraduenture

It shall not be, materyall

The other sorte, no forse at all

Saye what they wyll, or bende the brewe brewe: =brow, but the spelling should be retained for the rhyme.

Them-selfe shall proue, my sayeng trewe

Eche other man, in generall

And namely those, that maryed be

Gyue euydent, testimonyall

Affermynge the same, yf I wolde lye

And thus reporte, that femynye

Ben euyll to please, and worse to truste

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Crabbed and comberous, when them-selfe luste.

Haue tongue a[t] large, voyce loude & shryl at] ar 1541

Of wordes wonderous, passynge store

Stomake stoute, with frowarde wyll

And namely, when ye touche the sore

With one bare worde, or lytle more

They flusshe and flame, as hote as fyre

And swell as a tode, for feruent yre

And where they here, on worde that soundeth. on: =one

Lytle agaynst, theyr lewde behauour

And twyse so moche els, which that redoundeth

To theyr hye prayse, ye may be sure

So lyght of eare, they be and sowre

That of the better, they neuer recorde

The worse reherse they, worde by worde

It were moche hurte, for to dyscrye

The propertyes all, of the femynyne kynde

Howbeit a man may, coniecture nye

And saye also, as experience dothe bynde

That very fewe, there be to fynde

But that they can, how-soeuer the matter stande

Bere fyre and water, bothe in one hande

Euacyons they haue, fay[n]t and feble

Them to excuse, of duplycyte

As though they were inuencyble inuencyble: =invincible

Spotted, in any wyse to be

And with othes / so craftelye

They shalbe forgyd, on suche a grounde

As all-thyng were, bothe hole and sounde

And be it in ernyste, or els in iape

To them it is, one maner a thynge a: =of

Surely nought els, they after gape

But euermore, in commynge

To let a man of his sayenge

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Reason wyll, they not attende

But tell theyr owne tayle, to the ende

¶And for to say, moost commonlye

This vice, is appropryate to them all

For let a man, to them replye

In reasons, of matters small

These women be, so sensuall sensuall ='endowed with the faculty of sensation only, lacking in reason'; see OED s.v. sensual adj., 2

That b[e] theyr reason, not worth a torde be] by 1541

Yet wyll the woman / haue the laste worde

¶There may no reason, theyrs debarre

Nor none example, can them conuerte

They stody algate, to be at warre

And with euyll sawes, to be ouerthwarte

Malyce is so rote[d] / in theyr harte roted] roteth 1541

That seldome a man, may of them here

One good worde, in a hole longe yere

Albeit the nombre, of them are great

Yet doth theyr folye, farre excede

For all is fysshe, that commeth to net

In case that they, of theyr mynde spyde spyde: =spied?

Broche, rynge, clothe, or threde

Shame haue they none, to tere and snatche

All is theyr owne, that they may catche

¶What-so it be, they fynger ones

Of wedded man, or syngle playne

He may as soone, eate the adamunde stones adamunde: =adamant

As the selfe-same, of them to retayne

Moche they craue, and nought gyue agayne

As holesome for a man, is a womans corse

As a sholder of motton, for a sycke horse

¶And yet we may not, them longe mysse

100

For many sondry, commodytyes.

So [trycke a] way, they haue [t]o kysse trycke a] tryckey 1541; to] no 1541trycke ='clever, neat'; see OED s.v. trick adj.1, 1. Tricky, q.v. OED, is first attested in 1786.

With mouth, and rollynge eyes

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Tongue to tongue, dysclose thyes thyes: =thighs?

One and other, commonlye

105

Haue in suche case, lyke propertye

That herde it were, in myne opynyon. herde: =hard

Yf god hym-selfe, wolde company kepe

But that wolde, brynge hym vpon

Wakynge, or other els a_slepe

110

Displease them ones, and then they wepe

By meane wherof, loue doth the cure

Yonge fooles to kepe / in longe vre

And whyles, the woyng-tyme doth last.

I meane with them, that maydens be

115

Lothe to dysplease, loue sure and fast

Axe what ye wyll, and spede maye ye Axe: =Ask

Fewe or none, for the moost partye

Gently entreatyd, deny you can

With her tables, to entre your man

120

That done they say, that ye dyd make.

Promesse to them, by good assuraunce

Them to mary, and to wyues take

Els had ye not, had suche dalyaunce

And all is for fere, of good vtteraunce

125

In case the bely, do not swell

They holde them pleased, and all is well

Yet must ye be, at ferther daunger

Yf ye do endende, to vse them ofte endende: =entende (intend), here and once below?

Kepe them bothe at racke, and maunger

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Array them well, and lay them softe

Yet shall another man, come alofte

Haue you ones tourned, your eye and backe

Another she wyll haue, to smycke and smacke smycke ='kiss'? OED s.v. smick suggests that the term is probably a jingling modification of smack v2, 'kiss loudly'.

Perchaunce the bely, may ryse with-all.

135

Then wyll they swere, and stare apase

That thyne it is, when it dothe fall

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Be it [v]yla[yn-b]orne or base vylayn-borne] mylary, porne 1541

Loke they saye, on thyne owne face

Beholde well, bothe nose and eye

140

Nature it-selfe, the father wyll trye

And eyther there is, a synguler grace

Gyuen vnto babe, forth-on

Or sure it is, a meruaylous face

That god hath gyuen, vnto the man

145

For were they .xx. they muste eche one

Loke they strayght, eyther els a_shore a_shore ='with raised eyes'? An adv. ashore is not recorded in this sense in OED, but cf. OED s.v shore v1, 2

Be lyke the father, leest and moore

And when they are ones, waxen small

And able to ryde, or els to go

150

Unto lyke acte, agayne they fall

As who wolde say, they felte no wo

Yf ye renounce, kyndnes to sho

Then must ye sende them, to some straunge place

As good a mayde, as she before was

155

Then yf there come, a louer newe

And them apoynt, whether to come

They be lyke redy, vnto the mewe

And to be close, from wynde and sonne

With lytle labour, they are soone wonne

160

Not one I warrant you, amonges twentye

But she eftesones, wyll be as redye

Wed them ones, and then a_dewe

Fare-well all truste, and houswyfrye

Kepe theyr chambres, and them-selfe mewe

165

For staynynge, of theyr fys[na]mye fysnamye] fysmye 1541fysnamye: =physiognomy

And in theyr bed, all daye do lye

Must ones or twyse, euery weke

Feane them-selfe, for to be sycke

Sende for this, and sende for that

170

Lytle or nothyng, may them please

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Come in good gossyp, and kepe me chat

I trust it shall, do me great ease

Complayne of many, a sondry dysease

A gossyps cuppe, bytwene, or twayne

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Tyll she be gotten, vp agayne.

¶Then must she haue, maydens two or thre

That may then gossyps togyther brynge

Set them to labour, to blere the eye

Them-selfe wyll nother, wasshe ne wrynge

180

Bake ne brewe, nor other thyng

Syt by the fyre, let the maydens trotte

Brewe of the beste, in a halpeny potte

¶Playe who wyll, the man must labour

And brynge to house, all that he maye

185

The wyfe agayne, dothe nought but glauour glauour ='to talk plausibly and deceitfully; to flatter'; see OED s.v. glaver v, 2

And holde hym vp, with ye and naye

But of her cuppe / he shall not assaye

Other she sayeth, it is to thyne thyne: =thin

Other els ywis, there is nothynge in.

190

¶And when these gossyps are ones mette.

Of euery tayle, and newe tidynge

They bable fast, and nothynge forget

They put (I warrant) betwene rydyng This line seems defective in sense.

This lerne the yonger, of the elders guydynge This: =Thus

195

Daye by day, kepynge suche scholes

The semple men, they make as fooles

¶Them-selfe alway, do make good chere

With one or other, they neuer reste

Our Iohan shall paye, that is not here

200

Howe say you gossyp, is it not beste

I beshrewe his herte / nowe is he bleste

He bet me gossyp, I maye tell you

That yet I am, bothe blacke and blewe

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Thus out it shall / what-so it be

205

Good or bad, all is one thynge

What-soeuer commeth, to memorye

Shall not be loste, for the tellinge

God wote they make, many a lesynge

Hit doth theyr stomake / greatly ease

210

To lerne what may / theyr husbandes displease.

¶The yonge complayneth vnto the olde

Somwhat to ease, theyr hertes therbye

The elder sayeth / good gossyp beholde

To shewe your mynde, hollye to me

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Fere it not, ye knowe pardye

That I haue bene, bothe olde and yonge

Bothe close and sure / of tayle and tongue.

Then sayeth the yonger, I may tell you

I am so matchet, as no woman is matchet: =matched

220

Of all this nyght, tyll the cocke crewe

He wolde not ones, tourne me for to kysse

Euery nyght, he ryseth to pysse

And when he commeth / agayne vnwarme

Doth tourne his ars / in-to my barme

225

¶Lappeth hym-selfe, rounde all aboute

And thrusteth me / out of my place

Leaueth me scantly, one ragge or cloute

To couer and cast, ouer my face

Full lytell maner / gossyp he hase

230

The moost vnkyndest, man haue I

That euer woman, layde her by

¶And be the daye, neuer so longe

He doth nothyng, but chyde and braull

Ye ye gossyppe, the more is my wronge

235

Hore and herlot, he doth me call

And byddes me gossyp, scrape and scrall scrape and scrall: an expression analogous to 'scrape and scratch', although OED does not record this sense s.v. scrawl

And for my liuyng, labour and swete

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For as of hym, no peny I gette

I was a_curste, or els starke madde

240

And when I maryed, with hym vnwyse

I maye tell you, I myght haue had

Another maner of man, then he is

Yf I had folowed, my frendes aduyse

I shulde haue had, a mynyan

245

A man of lande, a gentylman

The deuyls gossyp, ought me a_shame

And payde I am nowe, euery penye

Wolde god he had, be blynde and lame

That daye and houre, he fyrst woed me

250

Ware not gossyp, these chyldren thre Ware: =Were

I wolde not tary, ye maye be sure

Longer with hym, daye ne houre

Then sayeth the elder, do as I do

Be sharpe and quycke, with hym agayne

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Yf that he chyde, chyde you also

And for one worde, gyue you hym tway[n]e

Kepe hym shorte, and haue dysdayne

He shulde vse you, after suche rate

Byd hym be styll, with one euyll date

260

Cherysshe your-selfe, all that ye maye

And drawe vnto, good companye

Caste not your-selfe, gossyp awaye

Because he playeth, the churle with the

And by your wyll, kepe hym hungree

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And byd hym go, when he wolde game

Unto his customers, god gyue hym shame customers ='associates, prostitutes'; see OED s.v. customer n, 4

Be euer with hym, at yea and naye

And by your wyll, begyn the warre

Yf he wolde smyte, then maye ye say

270

Go to hardely, yf thou so dare

I beshrewe thy herte, yf that thou spare

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All the world, shall wonder on the

Howe thou doest wreke, thy tene of me

Bycause thou hast be, at the dyse

275

And playde awaye, all that thou haste

Or from thy gylloutes, thou couldest not ryse gylloutes: =gillots, 'loose women'

Of all this day, ye sat so faste

And nowe god, gyue the shame at laste

Commest dronken home, with a myschefe

280

And woldest be reuenged, vpon thy wyfe

Better ywys, to holde thy hande

And more is, for thyne honestye

I had leuer thyne necke, [were] in a bande were] where 1541

Then I wolde take it, longe of the

285

Truste me, I wyll fynde remedye

Smyte and thou dare, I make god auowe

I wyll acquyte it, I wote well howe

In case there be, no remedy

But that ye must, haue strokes sadde

290

Take vp the babe / that then is nye

Be it wenche, or be it lad

And byd hym stryke, yf he be madde

Smyte hardely, and kyll thy sonne

And hange therfore, when thou hast done

295

Thus amonge, they kepe suche scholes

The yonge to drawe, after the olde

Motyng euer / vpon theyr stoles theyr] theyrs 1541Motyng: =Mooting, 'conversing'

Of euery matter, that they haue wolde

By meane wherof, the yonge waxe bolde

300

So that within, a moneth they be

Quarter-mayster, or more then he Quarter-mayster ='one who shares authority with another to the extent of a fourth', with a pun on quarter; see OED s.v. quartermaster n, 3

Truely some men, there be

That lyue alwaye, in great horrour

And saye it goeth, by destenye

305

To hange or wed, bothe hath one houre

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And whyther it be, I am well sure

Hangynge is better, of the twayne

Sooner done, and shorter payne

¶On pylgrymage, then must they go

310

To wylesdon, barkyng, or some halowes

Perchaunce be forth, a nyght or two

On fote for werynge, of horse-showes

A vyage make, vnto the stewes

And neyther knele, to stones, ne stockes

315

But the offerynge take, with a quycke boxe

¶Somtyme also, lycence they craue

To be with some neyghbour, in the mydwyues stede

And all to the ende, some other knaue

Shall dubbe her husbande, a somer-byrde somer-byrde ='summer migrant', with allusion to the cuckoo; see OED s.v. summer bird

320

The trueth is so knowen, it can not be hyde

Albeit that fewe men, do hym here

The kucko, syngeth euery yere

¶They haue also another caste

In case the husbande, be present

325

The chylde I warrant, shalbe caste caste ='given birth to'; see OED s.v. cast v, 20b

And to her louer, therwith sent

The sylly man, none euyll ment

Regardeth lytell, or nothynge this

Howe by the babe, she sendes her kys

330

And for she wolde, b[e] rekened trewe be] by 1541

The matter to cloke, more craftely

Her kynsman call hym, I warrant you

And to blere, the husbandes eye

God wote the blynde / eateth many a flye

335

So doth the husband, often ywis

Father the chylde, that is not his

Trym them-selfe, euery daye newe

And in theyr glasses / poore and prye

Plat and plant, and theyr herys hewe hewe ='shape, fashion', or perhaps 'colour'; see OED s.v. hue v1. Plant ='place additions to the coiffure'?

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340

And all to make it, for the eye

The fynest ware, that they may bye

And all that euer / they may ymagyne

Is to enlure, the masculyne

Paynt them rounde, with many a pyn

345

Rynged for routyng, of pure golde Rynged for routyng ='(like) swine ringed through the nose to restrain them from rooting'; see OED s.vv. ring v1, 6a, rout v8

Fayre without, and foule within

And of theyr tayles / haue slypper holde

Bye who wyll / ware wyll be solde

Ye nede go [no] farther, the fayre is here no] 1541 omits

350

Bye when ye lyst / it lasteth ouer-yere

Spare for no cost / but drynke of the best.

And also of euery, deyntye eate

Hote in operation / and lyght to dygest

Nature to prouoke, and set on a heate

355

Oysters, kocles, and els-what they may yet

Nowe this, nowe that, & fayne them-selfe sycke

Suche thynges to receyue / as for theyr phisyck

By meane wherof, Tyresyas

Arbyter chose, the trueth to dyscus

360

Gyue iudgement playne, in this case

That the woman is: farre more lecherous

Gallus gallin[i]s, ter quinque sufficit vnus gallinis] gallinus 1541

Sed ter quinque viri / non sufficiunt mulieri For this proverb, see Hans Walther, 'Lateinische Sprichwšrter und Sentenzen des Mittelalters', #10153.

In case they wolde / ought of you craue.

365

Anone they wepe, and lowre a_pace

And say that they / can nothynge haue

Them to apparell, as other wyues hase

Truste not ouermoche, theyr mornynge face

Recorde ynough, of Samsons two wyues

370

Who foloweth theyr myndes / seldom-when thryues seldom-when ='rarely'

Albeit the byrder, with his blered eye

Dyssemble sorowe / with his sad face

Yet is there no byrde, he maye come by

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By his engynes / that may haue grace

375

By women it foloweth / in semblable case

Wepe they or laugh they: all is one thynge

They deale mooste craftly, when they be wepyng

¶And yet amonge / who-so wyll thryue

And offyce bere, in towne or citye

380

Must nedes be ruled, by his wyfe

Or els in fay, it wyll not bye

The wyfe must able hym, to the degree

Able or vnable, lytle careth she

Bycause her-selfe, wolde honoured be

385

¶Feare not she sayeth, vnto her spouse

A man or a mouse, whyther be ye

Shulde ye, your honesty refuse honesty] honestly 1541

And be as lyke, as other men be

In person, and in eche degre

390

Take it vpon you, do not refuse

And I myne owne selfe, fynde youre house

¶So by the meane, of her counsayle

The man may not, the offyce forsake

Bycause the wyfe, wolde haue a tayle tayle ='train of a dress'; see OED s.v. tail n1, 3

395

Come rakyng after, & a bonet blacke rakyng ='wandering, roaming'; see OED s.v. rake v2, 1b

A veluet heed, and also be take

With the best and not the worste

The man must be ruled: tyll all be in the dust.

¶Of all the dyseases, that euer wore.

400

Weddynge is nexte vnto the goute

A saulue there is, for euery sore saulue: =salve

To helpe a man within, or witho[u]t

But of these two, I am in dowte

No payne so feruent, hote ne colde

405

As is a man, to be called cockolde

¶And be neuer, so fearefull to fraye

So starke a cowarde, yet wyll he rage

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And drawe his knyfe, euen strayght-waye

Be he neuer so farre in [ae]ge aege] eage 1541

410

Call hym ones cockolde, and his corrage

Furthwith wyll kyndle, and force hym stryke

Worse then ye, named hym heretyke

And syeth there is, no salue therfore

Hit putteth many, a man in fere

415

To be infecte, with the selfe-same sore

Howe well so-euer, they them bere

Good taken haue they, also els-where

That whosoeuer weddeth a wyfe

Is sure of sorowe / all his lyfe

420

Of Socrates, the pacyent

Example good / of his wyues twayne

Whiche on a tyme / fell at dyssent

And vnto hym, dyd them complayne

He laught therat / and they agayne

425

Fall bothe on hym, with an euyll date

A pyspot they brake, vpon his pate

He helde hym pleased, and well content

The pysse ran downe / by his chekes twane

W[e]ll wyst I, sayde he, what it ment Well] Wyll 1541

430

And true it is, that all men fayne

That after thonder, commeth rayne

Who hath a wyfe, is sure to fynde

At home in his house, many a sowre wynde.

A certayne wyfe, sayde to me ones

435

I wolde thou knewe it, god made vs

Nother of earth, stocke ne stones

But of a thynge, moche precyous

Of a rybbe of a man, scrypture sayeth thus

Bycause the woman, in euery nede

440

Shulde be helpe to the man, in worde and dede

Man made of earth, and woman of man

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As of a thynge, moost pryncypall

Whiche argueth well, sayeth she then

By iudgement iust, and reason naturall

445

That we be euer substantyall

And yet ye men, thus of us bable us] hus 1541

That women alwayes are varyable

Whiche thynge, as farre as I se can

Shulde be imployed, rather to you

450

Syth of the earth, god create man

And fygures therof, maketh euer newe

Nature thus naturate, me-semeth nowe

Must nedes, his fyrste orygynall

Ensewe, or be vnnaturall.

455

As ye saye (sayde I) helpe hym well

Euyll to thryue, and worse to fare

Who was the cause, that Adam fell

His wyfe or no? I make you ware

One and other, lytell ye care

460

So ye maye haue, that ye desyre

Though dun, and the packe, lye in the myre Though dun, and the packe ...: proverbial, see OED s.v. dun n1, 5

Made of a bone, ye sayd were ye

Truth it is, I can not denaye

Croked it was, styffe, and sturdye

465

And that wolde bende, no maner waye

Of nature lyke, I dare well saye,

Of that condicyon, all women be

Euyll to rule, bothe styffe, and sturdye

And ouer that, who lysteth to trye

470

Put me two bones, in a bagge

Or mo as it is, of quantyte

That done, holde it somwhat sagge

Shake it also, that it maye wagge

And ye shall here, none other matter

475

Of these bones, but clytter_clatter

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¶Lyke so of women, in felde and towne.

Assembled where, that many be

A man may heare them, by the sowne

Farther farre, then the eye maye se

480

Wherfore men saye / moost commenlye

Where many geese be, are many tordes

And where be women, are many wordes.

¶And so the husbande, is lyke to haue

A synguler treasure, of his wyfe

485

He nedeth neuer, an yll worde to craue

All the dayes, of his longe lyfe

Hath not that man, a prerogatyue

That may alwaye, of his wyfe haue

A thyng of nought, and it not craue

490

¶And commonly, where cause is none

Some-thynge ymagyned is kepte in store

Whiche that she may, come the good-man home

With spedefull spiryte, lay hym before

Of lytle or nought, they make moche more

495

And be it true, or false they tell

All is sothed, as the gospell sothed ='proved to be true'; see OED s.v. soothe v, 1

¶And yet the rybbe, as I suppose

That god dyd take, out of the man

A dogge vp caught, and away gose

500

Eate it clene, so that as than

The werke to fynysshe, that god began

Coude not be, as we haue sayde

Bycause the dogge, the rybbe conuayde

¶A remedy, god founde as yet

505

Out of the dogge, he toke a rybbe

The woman forthwith he made of it

As to the man, neyther kynne nor sybbe

Nature she foloweth, and playeth the gyb

And at her husbande, doth barke and ball

sig: C[1]

510

As doth the curre, for nought at all

¶Another reason, yf ye marke well

Dothe cause the woman, of wordes be ryue

A certayne man, as fortune fell

A woman tongles, wedded to wyue

515

Whose fronyng countenaunce, perceyuyng belyue

Tyll he myght knowe, what men thought long

And wysshed full ofte, she had a tongue

¶The deuyll was redy, & appered anone

An aspen-leafe, he bad the man take

520

And in her mouth, shulde put but one

A tongue sayde the deuyll, it shall her make

Tyll he had done, his heed dyd ake

Leaues he gathered, and toke plentye

And in her mouthe / put two or thre

525

¶Within a whyle, this medicyne wrought

The man coulde tary, no longer tyme

But wakened her, to the ende he mought

The vertue proue, of the medicyne

The fyrst worde, she spake to hym

530

She sayde thou horson, knaue, and thefe

Howe durst thou waken me, with a mischefe

¶From that day forwarde, she neuer ceassed

Her boyster babell, greuyd hym sore boyster: not recorded in OED, but cf. OED s.vv. boistous, boisterous, boistly, boisterly, boistness

The deuyll he met, and hym intreated

535

To make her tongles, as she was before

Not so sayde the deuyll, I wyll medle no more

I deuyll, a woman to speake maye constrayne

But all that in hell be, can not let it agayne

¶And by profe, dayly we se

540

What inclynacyon nature maketh

The aspyn-lefe, hangynge where it be

With lytle wynde, or none it shaketh

A womans tongue, in lyke-wyse taketh

sig: [C1v]

Lytle ease, and lytle rest

545

For yf it shulde, the herte wolde brest

Loke when the see, doth water want

Nor no wynde bloweth, [the] mylne [to] walke the mylne to walke] to mylne the walke 1541walke ='move, drive'; see OED s.v. walk v1, 3e (but here used transitively)

When Ethna hyll, of fyre is scant

The crowne whyte, and blacke is chalke

550

Then women cease, wyll of theyr talke

It is lyke appropryed, all women to bable

As dogges to barke, and geese to gagle

And that more is, all men do saye

That woman to man, is moost comforte

555

Howbeit they meane it, another waye

And saye she is, mannes vtter e[x]torte extorte] ertorte 1541extorte ='extortion, torture'; see OED s.v. extort n, where this example is cited

And ouer that, by iust reporte

The smaller pease, the mo to the pot

The fayrer woman, the more gyllot

560

The fayrer of face, the [p]rouder of harte prouder] brouder 1541

The lother to woo, the sooner won

The lesse of speche, the more ouerthwart

Not one so daungerous, as is dame dun

The fouler she is, the sooner it is done

565

So shorte of hele / they be ouer-all

That and yf ye blowe / they must nedes fall

By meane wherof, all men reporte

And saye that women, can not be stable

For be one gone, and other resorte

570

And profereth them, thyng seruysable

Our fyly is fetlyd, vnto the sadle fetlyd ='groomed'; see OED s.v. fettle v, 1

Ryde who wyll, shod is our mare

And thus they eschaunge, ware for ware

In case thou woldest, not haue it so

575

But rather to fynde / euery-thynge well

I counseyle the before thou go

Forth of towne, to crowche and knele

sig: C2

And offre a candell, to the deuyll

Parcase thy wyfe wolde, be so lewed

580

He wolde for_let it, all beshrewed

Example therof, and that was this.

A certayne man, from home shulde ryde

Whiche fearyng his wyfe, wolde do amys

To an ymage of Sathan, vpon a wall-syde

585

Offered a candell, and that was espyde

And sayde syr Sathan, nowe I charge the

My wyfe in myne absence, thou do ouer-se

His iourney ended, came home agayne

And the selfe ymage, went streyght vnto

590

The deuyll hym shewed, euery-thyng playne

Howe he had let, that shulde haue be do

And from her bacwarde, drawen one or two

The daungerest cure, that euer he had daungerest: =most dangerous, 'most difficult'

Was to kepe good, that wolde haue ben bad

595

Another thyng as pryncypall

Be not with her, in Ialosye

What mysaduenture, so-euer befall

Forbyd her no mannes company

Nor yet rebuke her / syngulerly

600

In case thou do, though thou haddest sworne

A blaste shalt thou blowe, in Nynerus horne

For as we se, by experyence

Euery day before our eye

And by reporte of men of credence

605

For the moost parte / the femynye

By theyr innatyue, destynye

Fyrst and formest, when they be chyd

Wyll that thynge do, they be forbyd

And ouer that, thy wyfe present

610

I counseyle the, be wyse and ware

Thou prayse, no other mans instrument

sig: [C2v]

Better then thyne owne, berynge ware

For yf thou do, she wyll not spare

Were he neuer, so naturall a foole

615

Tyll she haue assayed, the selfe-same tole

So frayle they be, of disposycyon

So croked, so crabbed, with that so yll.

So lewed, so shrewed, lyght of condicyon

That sure, it were vnpossyble

620

To let them, of theyr owne selfe-wyll

And but it come, of theyr owne mynde

A man were as good, throwe stones at the wynde

Saye what ye wyll, they wyll do as them lust

The profe therof, in a certayne fable

625

A husbande-man, hauyng good truste

His wyfe to hym, had be agreable

Thought to attempt / yf she had be reformable

Bad take the potte, that sod ouer the fyre sod: =seethed

And set it aboue, vpon the astyre astyre ='hearth'; see OED s.vv. astre, easter n2

630

She a[n]swered hym, I holde the mad answered] aswered 1541

And I more foole, by saynt Martyne

The dyner is redy, as thou me bad

And tyme it were that thou shuldest dyne

And thou wylte not, I wyll go to myne

635

I byd the sayde he, bere vp the potte

A_ha she sayde, I trowe thou dote

Up she goeth, for feare at laste

No questyon moued, where it shulde stande

Upon his heade, the potage she cast

640

And helde the potte, styll in her hande

And towardes hym, she curst and bande bande: =banned, 'cursed'

Sayd and sware, he myght her truste

She wolde with the potage, do what her luste

No remedy, to dyscontent.

645

To tratle to them, of reason or lawe tratle ='chatter'; see OED s.v. trattle

sig: [C3]

For be a womans, purpose bent

Nothyng preualeth, to withdrawe

Nor yet to kepe / them vnder awe

Gyue them counsayle, the best ye can

650

They wyll folowe theyr owne wyll, now & than

Loke of discrecyon, fewe womanly

And to the were few, profytable

Not thre I dare saye, amonge thyrtye

That be dyscrete, and reasonable

655

And yet alwayes, they byble_bable

Of euery matter, and make it nyse

And in conclusyon, be wonderous peuysshe

As holy as sayntes, in churche they be

And in strete, as aungels they were

660

At home, for all theyr ypocrysye

A deuylysshe lyfe, they led all the yere

When lenton cometh, then to the frere

The frere-lymlyfter, for a payre of pense

Wyll for all causes, with them dyspense

665

And that more is, I dare auowe

That yf thy wyfe, dyspleasure take

Be it ryght or wronge, yet thou

Must nedes of forse, for thy wyues sake

Fyght and fraye, and hye wordes crake

670

Swere and stare, as who wolde saye

Thou woldest not let, to kyll and slaye

In case thou take the matter lyght

As man of peas, loue and concorde

Then wyll she wepe, anone forth-ryght

675

And gyue the many, an euyll worde

And byd the gyrde, to the thy sworde

And saye, yf I had maryed a man

This thynge shulde not, be longe vndone

sig: [C3v]

¶Recorde, the wycked Iesabell.

680

Whiche wolde haue slayne / good Helyas

Recorde also of the gospell

The wyfe of Phylyp / Herodyas

Whiche through her doughter, brought to pas

That Herode her graunted, or that they wyste

685

To gyue her the heed / of Iohan_Baptyst

Thus [they] them-selfe, may lytle do they] were 1541

As in regarde of corporall myght

Of cruelnes they rest not so

But stere theyr husbandes, for to fyght

690

The prouerbe olde, accordeth ryght

Women and dogges, causeth moche stryfe

And moost occasyons, to be myschefe

¶In case that thou, so foolysshe be

For thy wyues wordes, to make a brall

695

Yf it so fortune, that she do it see

Regardeth lytle, what may befall

The fyrst thyng, that she doth of all

On the she runneth, and holdeth the styll

Whyles that an-other, may the kyll

700

And yf it chaunce, any vnkynde worde

Escape thy mouthe, wherby that ye

Bywtene your-selfe / fall at dyscorde

Truste me well / in case that she

By any meane / may mayster the

705

For the moost parte, all women be

In suche case, all without pytye

¶Weake and feble, albeit they be

Of body / moche impotent

Example dayly, yet maye ye se

710

Comberous they be, and malyuolente

Harmeles creatures, none euyll mente

The vpper hande, yf they ones get

sig: [C4]

Can no more harme, then a mer[m]eset a mermeset] amerseset 1541

Who was so busye, as was the mayde.

715

With croked language, Peter to appose

Ones, twyse, or thryse, to hym she sayde

And thou felow, arte one of those

The trueth sayde she / thy language showse

Peter abasshed, swore and denayde

720

And all by reason, of the lewde mayde

Some men theyr be also, that saye

Be she syngule, or be she wedde

To moche she coueyteth, of chambre-playe

As dyd Byblis, the thynge forbed

725

Presume to be, in her mother stede

Myrrha also, inordynatelye

With her owne father, founde meanes to lye

The doughters twayne, of Loth the sage.

Hauynge lyke tykle, in theyr tayle

730

Coulde not refrayne, theyr wylfull rage

To satisfye, with euyll hayle

Theyr father fested, with costly vytayle

Made hym dronke, and so at laste

Medled with hym, he slepynge faste

735

Examples hereof, dyuers there be

To approue my sayenge, strayght as a lyne

As fyrst of the, abhomynable Pasyphe

And then the insacyat myssalyne

Pyrra, Fabulla, and fayre Helyne

740

With other thousandes, many mo

Whiche all to recyte, wolde neuer be do

I pray you, why was Adam shent.

Bycause he onely, dyd transgresse

Eue hym meuyd, fyrst to consent

745

To eate of the apple, she dyd hym dresse

So all came, of her wylfulnesse

sig: [C4v]

And syth that woman, that offyce began

She is more to blame then is the man the man] then man 1541

The wyfe of loth, wyllynge also

750

The wyll of god, to preuarycate

Out of the citye, when she shulde go

Loked behynde her, in her gate

To se by profe, the pronostycate pronostycate: =prognosticate, 'sign or token of some future event'

Displeased god, and she anone

755

Transfourmed was, in-to a salte stone

I pray you, what dyd quene atthalye

Loke in Paralypomenon

Mother of yonge kynge Othozye

Of all, and of all, the wylfullest one

760

Moued the kynge foresayde, her son

To do moche euyll, especyallye

The temple of god, for to dystroye

Myghty Samson, two wyues had

The fyrst a Philistian, by generacyon

765

Neyther of them good, but passynge bad

And false to hym, farre out of fasshyon

The fyrst hym caused, by lacrymacyon

His probleme to her, so that he sayde hym caused ... he sayde ='by weeping, induced him to reveal to her the solution to his riddle'

When she it knewe, she hym betrayde

770

The seconde delte moche worse then so

Deceyuynge hym, as ye shall heare

For she his strength / dyd take hym fro

In her lappe slepyng, she clypte his heere

Betrayed her lorde, and her bewpere

775

Thus Daly[l]a, for mede hym serued Dalyla] Dalyda 1541

And caused his eyes out to be carued

The wyfe of Iob, the man electe

Saluted hym with scornes and mockes

And full vnsemely, ofte hym checte

780

Sayeng thou foule, full of the pockes

sig: D[1]

Full lyke a foole, thy brest thou knockes

Wenest thou, for thy fayre speche

God wyll come, the for to seche

Thy pratynge leue, fowle the befall

785

Trust me, he wyll the neuer hele

Thy beestes / thy goodes, and thy chyldren all

Be deed and brente, nowe euery-dele

And thou lyest here, with many a byle byle: =boil

Pratynge, and prayenge, to the diuyne

790

And worse then thou stynkest, then a deed swyne

Lykewyse the wyfe, of olde Thoby

Whose name, as I remembre was Anne

Whiche hym entratyd, bosteously

With sad rebukes, nowe and than

795

Called hym dryuyll, and wytles fanne fanne =weather-cock (?), by confusion of fan with fane, vane; see OED s.v. fan n1, 8

Because he gaue / with herte so lyberall

Parte of his goodes, to the porall

The wanton wyfe, of kynge Pharao

Ioseph adhortyd / with her to lye

800

In place secrete, betwene them two

God forbyd madame sayde he

Bycause she sawe, it wolde not be

A shamefull lye she dyd inuent

In pryson to caste / that innocent

805

In women all, this propertye

Is knowen sure, and manyfeste

That yf a man, maye come so nye

To shewe them game, that they loue beste

And wyll not do it, then well they Ieste well: =will

810

But trust me sure, that with the harte

They wyll neuer loue hym afterwarte afterwarte: a nonce-spelling of afterward

The wyse man sayeth, in his prouerbes

A strumpettes lyppes are dulce as honye

But in her dealynge, she is sowre as herbes

sig: [D1v]

815

Wormewode, or rewe, or worse sayeth he

For when them lyketh, to mocke with the

With tongue & eye, suche semblaunce the[y] show[e] they] the 1541show[e]: letter broken

That harde it were them to mystrowe

¶As though they spake, with mouth & herte

820

With face they make, so good semblaunce

That harde it were, a man to starte

From theyr fayre glosynge, countenaunce

Thus with theyr sugered, vtteraunce

The symple men / that meane but iust

825

Disceyued are, where they moost trust

¶In case they do you, but one benefyte

An hundreth tymes by you recompensed

They wyll you euer, with that one entwyte

With lytle cause, or none offensed offensed ='offended'

830

All your demerytes, shalbe vnrecensed demerytes ='merits'; see OED s.v. demerit n, 1. Vnrecensed ='unenumerated'; see OED s.v. recense v

So be it lesse, or be it more

All is loste, ye gaue them before

Yf ye renounce, your copy-holde

And wolde be tenaunt, by Indenture

835

There is no ware, then to be solde

Ye must go seke, at your aduenture

For as of you, they haue no denture denture] deynture 1541denture: an aphetic form of indenture; see OED s.v. denture n1

Thynke ye that I, wyll be so redy

Nay by Iesse, I holde you a peny

840

And then yf ye, no labour make

Ye maye be sure that then wyll she

The lure out-throwe, the hawke to take

Be_lyke, of her affinyte

Good god howe straunge, nowe-adayes be ye

845

I wolde haue thought, ye had ben none suche

But by the lytell, is knowen the moche

So at length, by howche or by crowche. by howche or by crowche: =by hook or by crook; see OED s.v. hook n1, 14

Lesse or more, euer they craue

sig: D2

Untyll the hande, be in the pouche

850

No wordes prouaylen, the to saue prouaylen: =prevail

A thousande thousande wayes they haue

To make a man, a threde-bare cote

And leue hym, neyther peny ne grote

Nowe this nowe that, they craue alway

855

One thynge or other, they neuer rest

Saye what ye wyll, they wyll no naye

Nor none excuse, but theyr owne request

So they may be trymmed, and fed of the best

They haue no remorse, who bereth the name name ='reputation'; see OED s.v. name n, 6d

860

Nor whome they put to open shame

The trueth is knowe[n] as in this case

By holy wryte, autenticate

Betwene Thamer, and the iudge Iudas

The booke called Genesis, examynate

865

Howe thamar the wydowe, in the waye sate

D[y]sgysed her-selfe, in straunge araye D[y]sgysed: letter broken

Iudas to dysceyue, after that waye.

Her fresshe atyre, & countenaunce therto

Prouoked this man, a questyon to make

870

She lyghtly consentynge, as some other do

Sayde what wylt thou gyue, thy pleasure to take

Some pledge she sayde, for promyse is slake

Of hym she requyred, staffe mantell and rynge

His mynde to folowe, and do the thynge

875

Shorte tayle to make, the lawe was then

A woman that founde was, in auoutrye

Dewe proffe alledge, by credyble men

Shulde suffre death, saunce remedy

The matter apperyd, by her bely

880

She openly sayde, in sclaunder of Iudas

Who oweth these thre, this dede done has

sig: [D2v]

¶Thus be they all, past shame and drede.

And careth not, who doth byd them bayle

With goostly sentence, them to fede

885

Lytell or nothynge, dothe them preuayle

Be the backe tourned, anone they rayle

And say, for all your counseyle good

Ye had leuer a bare ars, then a furred hood.

¶To say that they can, counseyle kepe.

890

It were to me, a meruaylous thynge

Onlesse it be, when they do slepe

Or no-body, to gyue the[m] hearynge them] the 1541

Desyrous euer, of newe tydynge

And were it matter, of lymme and lyfe

895

Out it shall, be tolde byleue

¶ Tully the Roman, vpon a daye

Though[t] to approue, his wyfe secr[es]ye Thought] Though 1541secresye] secrye 1541

In counseyle tolde her, he had put awaye

The Emperour sonne, to the ende that we

900

Maye reygne and rule, bothe lande and see

Glad was she, and yet she went

And hym dysclosed, incontynent

¶ Tully escaped, harde with the lyfe.

And all by meane / of his owne folye

905

Had not the trueth, be knowen belyue

To haue be hanged / it was ieoperdye

Be it therfore true tale, or lye

Be wyse and ware, wake ye or wynke

And tell not your wyfe, all that ye thynke

910

¶ kynge Salomon, bothe wyttye & wyse

A woman doth, assymylate

Unto a droppynge, euesynge guyse euesynge: =eavesing, 'eaves, roof'

Dystyllynge downe, after rayne late

Who[se] droppes vnclene, doth maculate Whose] Who 1541

915

The fynest vesture, that any man werys

sig: [D3]

With colde and wete, the body derys

Euyn so a woman / litygyous

Disquieteth, a hole householde

And who-so he be, that in his house

920

Entendeth to kepe, a woman skolde

The wynde that bloweth, bothe moyst & colde

Were better farre, for to her[b]our herbour] herpour 1541

And lesse shulde fynde, of dyspleasure

Enuyous they be, it is dayly sene

925

And proude also, of comparyson

Recorde of Saba, the gorgyous quene

Before, nor syns, was neuer suche one

Bycause she enuyed, kynge Salomon

To proue his wysdome, and take with a tryppe take with a tryppe ='detect in an error'; see OED s.v. trip n1, 8

930

Passed the sees, in a meruaylous shyppe

Bycause that Naboth, wolde not sell

Unto the kynge, of Samarye

The vyneyarde he had, at Israell

Achab the kynge, became angrye

935

As soone as Iesubell, the quene knewe why

She straytly commaunded by wrytynge to fayne

Some cryme vpon Naboth, & so was he slayne

Loke and rede, the boke Bockas

And ye shall fynde, many a reason

940

The pryde of women, to deface

For theyr m[y]slyuynge, in theyr season m[y]slyuynge: letter illegible

Good women he wrote, were very geson

As ye shall fynde of ,xi[x]. he wrote ,xi[x].: letter illegible

But of the .xx. neyther letter nor iote

945

Salamon sayeth, thre thynges there be

Seldome, or neuer saturate saturate ='satisfied, satiated'

Hell the fyrst, is of the thre

The seconde, a womans water-gate

The grounde of water / insacyate

sig: [D3v]

950

Of euery lewde fassyon, recken who can

And euer I warrant, the woman is one.

¶Harde to be knowen, lyke membre ther be

The fourth to knowe, who is he con

The fyrst whiche waye, a byrde wyll flee

955

Or of a serpent, sprent from a stone

What hauen a shyppe, shal be dryue vpon

The crafte of a hore, perceyue who con

And euer I warrant the woman is one

¶The grounde also / doth vary by thre

960

The fourth may not, be stablysshed sure

A bonde-man set, in maiestye

A foole fed fatte, whyles he wyll in powre

An odyous woman, in weddynge vre

An heyre made of, a bonde-woman

965

So euer I warrant, the woman is one.

¶Whiche thynges remembred, well-nere eche man

Reporte of them, accordyngly

And saye playnly, that in the woman

Is lytle thynge, of prayse worthye

970

Lettred or vnlerned, whether they be

They say of all creatures, women are the best

Cuius contrarium, verum est

¶And were not, two small venyalles venyalles ='venial sins'

The femynyne myght, be gloryfyde

975

Set in thrones perpetualles

And as the goddes, be deyfyde

Two venyall synnes, they ha[u]e and hyde

None of the seuen, theyr names who can tell

They can neyther do, nor saye well

980

¶So to conclude, of this treatyse

A fynall ende, rude though it be

The processe through, who wyll superuyse

Shall well perceyue, I make no lye

sig: [D4]

An ende therfore, to make shortlye

985

In my conceyte / he lyueth in rest

That medleth with them, of all people leest.

FINIS.

Go forth lytell booke, be not afrayde

To be accepte, with them that are wyse

And shewe them playne, what-so be sayde

In any parte of this treatyse

Doth not dystayne, theyr honestyse honestyse: =honesties?

But for the lewde, myght haue a myrrour

Hereby to amende, theyr damnable errour

Lyke as the preacher, doth dyscommende.

All vycyous liuynge, with mouth and wyll

Or as the mynstryll, doth endend

With helpe of lute, fynger or quyll

Example shewyng, to conuerte the yll

Lyke so myne auctour, dothe the same

No creature lyuynge, spoken be name be: =by

Percase any-one, dyspleasure take

Bycause it toucheth, her properlye

In case that she / suche wayes forsake

Whiche moste accorde, to her propertye

She nedeth not, herewith to be angrye

God graunt vs all, we may do this

Euery man to amende one, in that is amys

The good alwayes / wyll be content

With that, that is spoken / in generall

There wyll none / so soone be dyscontent

As they that fretesyd, be with-all fretesyd ='chilled, benumbed', with special reference to a horse's feet; see OED s.v. fretish, fretize

Rub a scalde horse / vpon the gall

And he wyll byte, wynse, and vente vente ='urinate, groan'? See OED s.v. vent v2, 2b, 3a

So wyll all people, that are malyuolent.

sig: [D4v]

Go forthe therfore, amonge the thycke

And bere in mynde, who is with the

The wordes that Salamon, and Dauid speake

In Iudicium, and in Genesye

Hierome, Iuuenall, and olde Thobie

Cathon, and Ouyd, wyll testyfye testyfye] testyfyue 1541

And Marcyall also, who lysteth to trye.

And vnto them, that lerned be

I wolde, and wyll, thou mekely went

And shewe them, who-so made the

Nothynge purposed, of yll intent

That shulde prohybyte the sacrament

But that the masculyne, myght hereby

Haue somwhat to ieste, with the feminy

EXPLICIT

¶Prynted at London in Paules Churche-yearde / at the sygne of the maydens heed, by Thomas_Petyt .M.D.[XL]j. .M.D.XLj.] .M.D.LXj. 1541